well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
