I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
