Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
