we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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