He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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