I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
