you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
