I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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