I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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