I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
