I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
