just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
