NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
