Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
my poor anus
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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