He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
