there's paper in my vomit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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