i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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