I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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