He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
