i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
