Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize