that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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