Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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