You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
