saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
