i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
