I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
