tell your sister to shave her snatch
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize