Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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