Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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