I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
