I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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