You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
