I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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