It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
