Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
