all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
