hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize