Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
