Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
