Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
