Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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