Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
