its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
