I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
