also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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