dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
