Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
