If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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