I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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