i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
