Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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