we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish you could order shots online.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
