What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
