8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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