Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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