I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
