we're chasing vodka with high fives
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
