So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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