I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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