so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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