he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
