Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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