I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize