this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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