My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
