she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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