Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
