i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
there is puke in my bra ... again
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
