im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize