I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
