watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
