I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
