I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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