So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
