I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
