Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
