Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
