What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
