woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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