haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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