The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
