I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
