I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And then my night got REAL pukey
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize