I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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