ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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