Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
