You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
