Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
