I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
