We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize