Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
